I have been trying to stick to my diet today but once I had tasted chocolate on my lips I couldn't let it slide. I had two slices of toast with chocolate spread. After this I had a white roll on chocolate spread, and then a packet of mini malteasers, then a granola bar, then another two slices of toast with chocolate spread which I managed to force down with a glass of water. I could not physically restrain myself. But that's all been and gone now. Tomorrow I begin my first ever fast. I don't know how long for, I might try saturday. I was initially willing to do it but since I read that it helps spiritually and can work towards inducing an out of body experience I knew I had no option but to try it there and then. If anything works in aid with that then I'm all for it. Definetaly. I should imagine fasting might be a dawdle. The truth is that only when you eat, do you want more to eat. If you haven't eaten I should expect you'd be pretty much craving-less all day. I do find it difficult to drink lots of water when I can already taste water, however. But then there is the juice fast, although we only have orange juice which is said to be too acidic for an empty stomach. And I wouldn't want to break the rules and go off track, and perhaps start allowing hot chocolates or maybe even cup-a-soups. No, I'll stick to cold drinks.

There is only twelve days 'till I am back in Blackpool at the theatre. I'm so excited because there is nothing either before or after this event that is close enough to count down to. We shall stay in a hotel, Natasha, Claire and I, and buy a ton of interesting objects and edibles to induce a sleep phobia and stay awake all night. First we will arrange all the food in beautiful little seperate trays all along the floor, the cake, biscuits, ferrero rocher, lindor, pretzels, cheap 2-for-the-price-of-1's, celebrations, strawberries, marshmallows. Then we will initially dig in, vomit, mop vomit, and then repeat. At least that's what i'm hoping. Oh, I forgot the alcohol. I'm more a lover of food than alcohol. It's all cheap though, from a little place I used to live right by. The next morning we are going in search for a little face I left behind. Did I ever mention it was Derren Brown we're going to see? Wonderful.

I'm quite afraid to go to sleep incase I wake up ravenous. Conveniently, lack of sleep would only make me revenous. I no longer have a reason to physically get out of bed come morning, everything is taken care of. I retreated back to my bed within the half hour, tried to watch a documentary on a secret almost apocalypse, but then switched it off. No patience for TV or film right now. Had my iPod been charged up, I would probably read tonight. I have the worst attention span of anybody I know. When faced with so many different things to do my mind just panics and switches off, leaving me sitting doing nothing. Must be a defence mechanism of some sort. Tomorrow, like the epitomy of all bad days, is going to drag, and drag, and drag me slower and slower 'round the bend. I am very thirsty. I am going to need a hell of a lot of will power right now. It is still early but I am feeling a bit pulled toward shutting down now. Tomorrow it's charged, synced, plugged in, and floating. I know that if it's the last thing I ever do on earth, it will be done, and if that means starving then so. Be. It.