My life is odd. I woke up having dreamt about planes crashing, clones, some kind of celebration or festival. Beautiful scenery, communion, family.

"To dream that a plane crashes, signifies that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. You are in danger of having those goals come crashing down. Alternatively, the crashing airplane represents your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt. You do not believe in your own ability to achieve those goals."

Beautifully worded and freakishly true. I also dreamt about somebody I feel like I should know but whom I don't really know. I didn't remember until I was in the car being driven home. An odd infatuation swept over me. I dreamt that he had been married for 18 years and was well and truly taken. He had jet black, charmingly swept back hair and a dark combination of clothing. He was beautiful. He still is. If soul mates exist, he must have been made for me. He insists to live privately in what seems to be the other end of the world. I could tell him my secrets. I wish he would go away.

I went to the dentist today and was given the option of having root canal treatment or having my back tooth removed. I wish I had looked after myself better back when the problems arised. Look what I have done and what this has come to. I couldn't bring myself.

I am living through the day in a dream like state. I have spent today trying to figure what is real and what is not. Who is really here and who isn't. I would really like to live in big, bold and beautiful London. Scotland is far too small for the likes of me. I'd love to meet the people I'd never have the chance to. Nigerian farmers, Chinese inventors, Jamaicans, transvestites, people who are lost, people who were found. I am sick of the British and their way of life. I am adaptable enough for an entire change of scenery. I want to brick up my bedroom and pretend I'm in a Victorian book shop. I want dark wood treasure chests, gold-crested boxes, red velvet curtains, black wood lining around my windows, pebbled streets, men in suits, top hats, ladies with umbrellas. I want to wear a gown twice the length of me and let it trail along behind every footstep. Then sit by the river eating a picnic while talking to the animals. I want every day to unfold a new world, a new character, a new setback and a new beginning. New choices.

Everyone I ever became infatuated with always seem to morph into one. One person always reminds me of the last. I hope somebody pulls me out soon enough. Fulfill that fantasy of mine.

Speaking of transvestites: