"Your beautiful triangle of distortion."

I'm having the soul sucked out of me, although slower than usual. We're moving house. I still won't have a room of my own. It's in a part of Kincardine that looks isolated, dead and full of troubles. I'm absolutely less than uninterested. The next move I make shall be on my own. So far, so far. I dispise change. This house may make my life a misery but at least it's familiar. I feel miserably sad. At the moment I haven't a single place I belong. Nowhere in the world. I wish I could feel. Today I don't feel. I almost feel apathy. It's not the most convenient. My nerve endings feel numb and dumb like they've had a personal shot of pain relief. What the hell is heartbreak? A word to describe the authorised and official absense of somebody. I am not here, this isn't real. There's no sun. There's no sun in my life. I wake up in the dark and I come home in the dark. Like the world is a basement, and there's so much further to go. That's four months out of twelve I can't stand. I don't know what to do with myself the other eight. If I had my way there would be two months in a year. Grow older quicker, die quicker, closer to paradise. I want to be alone. Then again if I were alone for much longer right now I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do. Am I living for a beneficial purpose? All I seem to do is use up another batch of resources.

I'd love to run away. Run. A forest, a lake. It's still there. And now it's gone. My heart did sink. I am feeling. It is worse than not feeling. Somebody please end my misery.