I find that I am much more peaceful inside this house when there are no men. Not that I am in any way sexist, but just so I don't have to listen to the incessant roars and squeels and giddiness of a grown man cheering on his favourite football team. Or infact, his most favourite team from the two teams playing. Nonetheless, a man always finds a part of football to get giddy and girly about. Like a woman who can't miss an episode of her favourite chick flick TV programme, a man misses a football game and he winds up in a bigger state than a woman with terrible PMS.

I am getting better at finding more useful ways to spend my time. Before, when I got home, I would hover between lying down on my bed, going to the kitchen, going to the toilet, using the internet and so forth. Now I like to infuse reading into my routine. Many times I have tried to read "e-books" on pieces of technology and it never did it for me. Only when I have a beautiful piece of literature I can hold in my hand, do I truly want to read it. I know that when I put it down, it's sitting there waiting for me and if I feel like escaping again I simply pick it up and I don't have to think about anything but letting the words do it for me. It gives me something to think about other than myself.

There is always danger lurking around the corner I find. Between my habit of lying down, manouvering to the bathroom, kitchen and so forth, I find that if I let my mind realise that it has nothing to do, even for a minute, it can destroy the entire day ahead. Some people can cope with being bored as a daily happening in life, but when I sense boredom I sense the forthcoming misery of waiting out another lifeless day. That's why I can't let myself feel as if I am bored, even for a second. Sometimes my clock curiously puts itself an hour behind and when I realise that I have gained an hour I feel a shallow sense of relief that there is one less hour to fill. My worst hours are from noon till sometimes as late as 7pm. When the clock strikes seven, something clicks and I feel relaxed at the setting of the sun and the re-emerging life in me. Daylight sucks something out of me, making me feel as though something has to be done, but I never have the answer as to what. I live an unfulfilled life of spending and looking for something to occupy. Sometimes I buy myself computer games and then I play them for up to five minutes and I feel the impending boredom strike me once more so I put down the control. I don't think a game will ever keep me hooked or make me think. Not like a book can and has done in the past. In a book I am a spy, watching events unfold and feeling far too sympathetically connected to the character. Put me in charge of somebody in a video game and I haven't an idea in hell of what to do. Video games make you think that you are in control but the ending has already been fixated.